Your Illness is Invisible, Not You

“You’re lazy! All you do is lay around on the couch.”

Not the words I wanted to hear. It was especially hurtful to hear those words from my son, who was probably 10 years old, at the time.

It made me stop and think. How did other people see me? Did other people think I was lazy, too? Crohn’s is what is called an invisible illness, meaning you can’t see what’s wrong. It’s also an autoimmune disease, where the body attacks itself. My son couldn’t see all this. What he could see was me lying on the couch every afternoon, taking a nap so I would have the energy to go to one of his games, later. He watched me lie down after a trip to the grocery store, too exhausted to cook dinner. And, he saw his 40 year old mom have someone else clean the house because she either had too much pain or too little energy to clean the house herself. So, maybe I did appear lazy. The outside of my body gave a different story than the inside.

An invisible illness is a two-edged sword. You work hard to not let your illness keep you from doing the things you love. You work at not looking sick. At the same time, you need people to know your limitations.

I have worked hard at not looking sick. I have kept my secret so well that many people were not aware I had a chronic illness until I have surgery or am in the hospital.

I worked so hard at trying to be “normal” in public that my poor family sees all the bad . . . the exhaustion, nausea, pain, and LOTS of time in the bathroom. Gradually, I have learned to pace myself, get enough rest and to stop before I hit my wall. Being honest with others about my illness has helped, too.

I still keep my illness hidden from most people. Only my family and really close friends see the “behind the scenes” parts of my life.

*Writing this blog is a big step in revealing the “behind the scenes” parts of my life. But, I have realized people can’t help with what they don’t know about. And, you can’t have prayers lifted up on your behalf if no one knows what is going on.

Reflection: Do you keep your “illness” hidden? Who sees the real you? Illness, or not, we all keep a part of ourselves “invisible”.